Twinnies Turn One- Their Arrival Story, Part Two
Well, it is exactly a month since my sweet daughters had their milestone first birthday and what a month it has been. It has been rife with events, our ten-year anniversary, Atty’s last day of second grade, a quick trip to California, the loss of a dear family member, and the opening and closing of the first show I have done for over two and half years. And as I was buffeted by all the waves coming from every direction, my writing and attention of this beloved blog strayed. Thank goodness for Aria holding down the fort here. Without her, we this long neglect would have lost us all of our momentum. But now my world has settled, as best it can and will, I can revisit the gentle and delicious touch of writing.
When last I left you, Trav and I were off to the hospital, my water having broken and my girls on their way. I had spent a good two hours at home preparing, as Trav finished up his last meeting for the week and felt little discomfort or pain, just the impending knowledge of the labor to come. With the ending of his meeting, the arrival of beloved Gamma, and the cessation of my bustling, the time came to lumber into the car and head across town to the hospital. I have always had a fear of driving whilst in labor. When Jasper was due into the world, Trav was still working an hour away and I was so frightened that I would have to head to the hospital during the workday. (That didn’t happen btw.) The thought of having to manage contractions and traffic and general bumps terrified me. But our trip to the hospital was uneventful and easy. As was checking into Labor and Delivery. This was all going so smoothly, I had high hopes for the birth.
For those readers who haven’t experienced a twin birth or just plain don’t know, twins are always delivered in an operating room. The possibility of complications is high in twin births and to offset the risk associated with the process, the doctors want to be right there, just in case. Additionally, epidurals are highly recommended/encouraged as well. Reason being, should there be a complication with either or both babies and an emergency c-section is required, then the mother is already numbed, and the surgery can proceed immediately. If an epidural is not in place, then the only option that is quick enough is immediate and full sedation. I can only imagine how frightening it would be to be made fully unconscious when one’s baby is in an emergent situation. All that being said, as I arrived, one of the first tasks undertaken was to get my epidural placed. The order was given, and I continued to settle into our birthing suite.
My girls were born in the late spring of 2021, vaccines had reached most adults who wanted them and the covid threat was weaning. While I could still only have one person with me in the suite, we were allowed to remove our masks while alone in the room and I wasn’t going to be required to wear one while in active labor. I was so relieved. We chatted with the lovely nurses as we unpacked and got settled. They we kind and friendly and the perfect people to care for us as the night wore on. I received my epidural from a lovely doctor who made me feel comfortable and completely safe with the process. And when the doctor came to check on me and my progress, she was shocked to see how far along I really was. Apparently, all of that time spent puttering around our house had gotten me much further along that I had thought. Instead of only a few centimeters, I was a whole six. (For reference, dilation to ten centimeters is necessary before pushing can begin.) All there was to do now was wait. And it seemed like it would happen sooner rather than later.
We decided to take advantage of the time we had remaining and rest as much as possible. We both drifted off to as restful a sleep as we could. And in a snap, we were awakened a little before 6am. It was time to check my dilation progress and lo and behold, it was time! I was wheeled into the sterile and bright operating room that I was to bring my babies into the world in. The room was full of people, my doctor, a surgeon, the anesthesiologist, a nurse, and pediatrician for each girl and what seemed like at least ten more people. In giving birth, all your inhibitions and vanity melt away, you are focused so entirely on the birthing of your baby (babies). But as I was wheeled into the sterile, neon lit operating room, teeming with people, those qualities flashed across my consciousness. I have to say, I was not thrilled to be unclothed under harsh lights with my feet in stirrups, exposed for all these people to see but, I took a breath and let go. There was little time to think about it anyway as within minutes, my Mirabelle needed to come into the world
Over the three pregnancies, and births I have experienced, I really grew to understand that there is no perfect way to do it. I had to let go of a lot of plans and ideas of how I thought it should go and embrace the path my body and my babies decide to take. None of my births have gone “the way” I had wanted. They have all been frightening, and confusing. I spent most of them worrying about my babies and whether they were going to make it. But, in the end, I have always held onto the fact that, in the end, they were all born in three pushes or fewer. (Again, for those who haven’t gone through birth, often times the pushing process can last for hours and sometimes, in the end, be unsuccessful.) for Miss Mirabelle, this was no different. In roughly a push and half, she came to the harsh light of the room. She was born at 6:26 am, yelling and pink. We were allowed a sweet moment and then she was taken away from me to be weighed and checked. And my work was to begin again.
For most of my pregnancy, the girls had gestated head to head, always as close as they could be. There was doubt for a majority of the time if I was even going to be able to attempt a natural birth. But then, at the final moment, Helena turned, and they were both head down. I got the green light. Flash forward to the minute Mirabelle was born…Helena suddenly had all the room she could possibly want, and she wasn’t in any hurry to give that up. She pushed herself right back up to the exact spot she had found comfortable for nine months but not before she did several flips. No longer was she head down but sideways which certainly wasn’t the way to be born. For the next 11 minutes, I was beyond grateful for the epidural.
Knowing of my desire to have both babies a naturally as possible, my doctor tried her very best to turn Helena into a better position. I won’t share the things she tried but she did try them all. Unfortunately, none of them were successful and as she tried to manipulate the baby’s direction, her heart rate began to dip dangerously low. To low to keep trying to birth her naturally. An emergency cesarean was mandated, and they dove into
preparations immediately. Honestly, it was terrifying. I knew that they were going to get my baby out and everything was going to be ok but, in the moment, all I could do was shake and shiver. I could feel them pulling the organs and pieces of my body out of their incision. It didn’t hurt but it was so alien, so confusing. They had started the process so quickly; they hadn’t even gotten a chance to properly put the drape up. It was just over my face. I shook and cried and tried to breathe through the cover on my face. And then, minutes later, Helena was here. She was safe. And they put me back together, piece by piece and I was safe too .
My daughters were born eleven minutes apart, in the most opposite of ways. And they are still such opposite little people. Mirabelle is a full pound heavier than Helena. She has the softest, straightest mass of blond hair. She looks exactly as Atty did when he was a baby so, I guess she looks just like me. She screeches and coos at full volume and explores everywhere, undeterred by grass or steps or anything. She loves food and will eat just about everything I put in front of her. She is hearty and fearless and happy. Helena has always been smaller. We worried about her getting enough food when she was tiny because she had so much trouble keeping anything down. But now she is strong. She had brown curls finally coming in and big blue eyes. She is the only child of mine who has dark hair and we’re hoping that stays to be a little coy of her Daddy. She is not a screecher, but she wants to be held and cuddled at all times. In most ways my girls are totally opposites but as they grow their connection shine through even more. They have known each other before, and they we be connected long after this life. I am so lucky to be their momma.
