The Beginning of Something New…
Tuesday is bathroom cleaning day. Assuredly not my FAVORITE day of the week, but being as I have already completed the task, I am feeling pleasantly accomplished. I have a pretty good system at this point so although I do not loathe the task any less, I don’t feel absolutely horrified the entire time, regardless of the fact that three out of five people in this house are male. That being said, the sun is shining outside and I can think of dozens of things I need to do in the garden. Gryffin is occupied, running between the backyard where our three little dogs are barking at anything and everything, and his room where the big kids have yet to clean up the giant tub of Lego pieces I allowed them to spill onto the rug last night amid profuse promises of post-playtime tidiness. As every little sibling knows, the very best time to play with things you may not usually be allowed to is when everyone else is at school, and we still have a few hours until pickup time, so Gryffin can build to his heart’s content while I sit down to write.
This week our family is adjusting to an entirely new schedule, as my husband transitions into a new role at work. For the past twenty years, from the time he was 18-years-old, my husband, Adam, has been working as a Union Carpenter. This has meant two whole decades of getting up before dawn, commuting for hours, performing intense physical labor, then driving all the way back home to repeat the same process the following day. For our entire adult lives, Adam has diligently gone to work every day, rarely using sick days, and earned his way up first from apprentice, to journeyman, and eventually to foreman. His strong work ethic and skillset meant he has had consistent work all this time, and his membership in the union has guaranteed him wages and benefits that have allowed him to support our family. But recently we have both been wondering what our next professional steps should be. And then, out of the blue, he was offered a better position and we both knew he had to take it. By random chance, his very last job in his current position was completing the remodel of the very same building I earned by degree in as a returning student ten years ago!
Adam is the love of my life. Before we met, prior to the wise and mature age of 14, I remember hearing that when you find your person you just know. I definitely believed that but I think I also felt convinced that it would take time and effort to find them. I had no idea I would meet my person on the very first day of high school, and it took me six more years to realize that I had. But when we finally reconnected after high school, at 20 years old, we moved in together the same week and, aside from a brief hiatus in 2007, we have been together ever since. Eighteen years in, our relationship is the strongest and most mutually supportive it has ever been, but it took eighteen years of personal growth on both of our parts to get to this point. The same length of time it takes a human being to reach legal maturity, almost as if we had to raise ourselves over again to meet harmoniously at this point. Either way, I am so deeply and constantly honored to have someone who is willing to go through the excruciatingly beautiful torment that is life, with me. And I am also considerably awed to watch him blossom into this new version of himself, having known him at so many different points in his life, from
And so, our lives are shifting. It may seem minor from the outside, but this is a big change for us. For the first time, our family routine is no longer determined by Adam’s inconsistent schedule. For a good part of the last two years, he was waking up at 3am in order to start work at 6am in the city every day, often not making it home until 4 or 5pm. Between the commute and the work itself, he was so exhausted by the time he came home he could barely stay awake long enough to eat dinner. Considering my love language is quality time, it has taken me a considerable amount of time and effort to convince myself that this is not a rejection. In fact, I only realized it the other day! But awareness of the problem is half the battle and now that I realize it, I can let it go. Plus, now that he has a set schedule and an office close to home, our family can begin to settle into a routine, which is something we all appreciate. The kids are able to wake up and see their dad before he leaves for work every day and send him off with lots of love, and I am able to accomplish all of my own personal, parental, and professional tasks before he gets home, which is entirely necessary for me.
Because if there is one thing my dear husband is for me, it is de-motivating. In fact, I should call him my “laziness enabler,” because I could have 75 items on my to-do list, but the minute he walks in the door I just want to drop everything to be with him. He is detrimental to my work ethic. Which, admittedly, makes no rational sense whatsoever. I am a (non-caffeinated) naturally energetic person, inclined to continuous conversation emphasized by volume and intensity. Albeit consistently caffeinated, Adam is calm and largely inclined toward continuous silence. Sometimes we have trouble communicating and I am relatively certain we have reached the point in our lives when he is selectively inclined to lose his hearing but, somehow, we built this sweet life together. The future is always uncertain, but for today I just wanted to express how proud I am of my husband.