60 Days Alcohol-Free
Finding myself again after two years of loving wine a little too much…
This past week I officially marked 60 days without alcohol! I am very proud of myself. I can’t say it has been the easiest process, but it has certainly not been the hardest of my life. My mood and energy level are finally getting back to what I’m used to. And I have finally reached the stage in this process where I don’t miss alcohol at all, which is an enormous relief, because there were moments in the past two years when I wondered if that would ever be the case. To be honest, prior to 2020 I was barely even an occasional drinker. Other than a very rare date night with husband or friends several times a year (pathetic, I know. Making time is hard. But I digress), I did not drink. It just wasn’t my thing and/or usually ended in me feeling sick. Not worth it. But that all that changed when social distancing began. Somewhere along the way I threw a little something extra into the cart with my weekly stockpile of Costco groceries: a bottle of tequila, “because it was on sale.” Or several bottles of wine from Trader Joes. Because I am in my mid-thirties and alcohol use is such a normal part of culture, this stood out to no one but myself. And for a while, it was a very fun way for my husband and I to occupy our time. I would wait until the children were asleep in bed, and look forward to that first sip of wine like it was the nectar of the gods. And because the strangely unprecedented times meant the majority of sane people were also sheltering in place, participating in very similar behavior, it seemed like a perfectly fine way to while away the pandemic.
A small margarita
But as time went by, and society attempted to crawl back to a modified normal, I realized that I was not using alcohol in what I consider to be a healthy way. I was easily consuming 1-2 bottles of wine a night, by myself, binge-watching mind-numbing reality shows that I had managed to avoid most of my adult life, in which actors glorify self-indulgence to the extreme, exacerbating my desire to drink. They drink constantly and look fabulous, doesn’t everyone? Hah! I had gone from almost no tolerance to a relatively high tolerance in a very short amount of time and it didn’t feel good. Maybe that doesn’t sound like a lot of wine to some people, and I am certainly not here to judge anyone else’s drinking habits, but it was enough for me to notice that it felt unhealthy. My body was sluggish and tired. I didn’t feel like exercising daily anymore and when I could motivate myself to try, I hurt myself, more than once. It was beyond frustrating. I had gradually shifted my drinking pattern and started having a glass or two of wine with dinner, rather than after, and now looking back I realize just how many books I read to the children afterwards that are quite literally erased from my mind. We are currently on the fourteenth book of a series I read them before bed and as exciting as the books are, I don’t think you could pay me to remember half of them. Without my children eagerly prompting me, that is, and that still makes me feel a little bit sad. I knew I had to make a change.
So, I made the decision to stop drinking altogether. The first thing I missed was how it helped me relax immediately. What I didn’t miss is how quickly it takes away the ability to parent properly. I drank the last sips of rosé like I was saying farewell to friend, whilst downloading an app to track how long I went without alcohol, by the minute. I started tracking how much water I was drinking and discovered that I was wildly dehydrated, so I made cell hydration my focus. Within a week, I had lost the flavor craving for alcohol, but I had not found a way to replace my habitual activity of drinking. I realized that even if I wasn’t ingesting it, I was still thinking of alcohol as something to take the edge off; something to help me cope with the trials and tribulations of every day life. I had to change my mindset.
Rather than focusing on what I was depriving myself of, I decided to focus on what I wanted to DO for myself. This is actually a tool I used to employ when helping customers adapt to new cleanses, food intolerances, or allergies when I sold supplements: focus on what you CAN have. Celebrating and focusing on the positive aspects of personal change can entirely re-program your brain. For me, the three most important aspects I choose to base my life around are: love/family, health/longevity, and personal growth/wealth. Alcohol was negatively impacting all of these categories. I want strong, authentic relationships. I want a healthy body and healthy lifestyle, with energy and good skin. I want to save the money I am wasting on substance abuse and put it towards something useful or exciting, like my house or an adventure. I started thinking about all the people I love who were strong enough to eradicate alcohol from their lives and looked to them for strength and inspiration. I thought about how alcohol damages all major organs and systems and severely lowers immunity. About the interactions I’ve had with friends and family in which alcohol was a negative factor. About how much money I save every day. According to that helpful little app, at this point I’ve saved close to $1,000!!! About how I want to live as long as possible in order to support and provide for those I love. And guess what? It’s working.
Aria and Ailey, March 23, 2022