Auditioning, A Necessary Evil

Second grade was a big year for little ole Heather Anne Buck, nee Lane.  I bet you are wondering what might have made that specific year of elementary school so special.  Was it a very special field trip?  Was my teacher that year particularly beloved?  Was there a specific subject that captured my interest greatly?  All very valid assumptions but the truth of the matter was, all three of the second-grade classes came together every year and did a play.  To little me watching said play, I knew that second grade would be a special year.  The play chosen for my year was “Charlotte’s Web” and I could not have been more excited.  I giddily prepared for my very first audition but to be honest, I cannot, for the life of me, remember it at all.  I do remember that I was cast as the Act One Narrator.  Now, there was a bit of disappointment over not being cast as one of the two Charlottes, but I overcame it a began to prepare for my big role.  It wasn’t too far into the process when my teacher took me aside and offered me the Act Two Narrator role as well.  (The show had been double cast.  There were two casts of the characters, one for the first act and one for the second.)  She told me that the person who was supposed to play the role had decided not to do it and that she felt I was the only kid who could handle the responsibility and pressure of being in the whole play.  My first audition, my first play, and it was already in my blood.  I was already killing it.  I was hooked and there was nothing to be done.

As is common knowledge by now, I am still totally enraptured with all things theatre and have am finally returning to the stage, post-pandemic, in June.  I am so excited about it and am loving every moment.  Not only has it been (over) two long years since I have been on stage but, I am now getting to learn about and experience a whole new theater community.  When we were considering moving here one of my biggest reservations was going from a place truly saturated with theatre, to somewhere that I could only assume was much less so.  I was definitely worried but, so far, it has all been pretty wonderful.  I am acting, directing, and even auditioning!   I had a rather successful audition this past Saturday and now I am doing the waiting that come post audition and pre casting.  Just one of the tough things about the process that is auditioning.

Arriving at “Assassins” callbacks.

Getting the good news.

The email!!

Post “Sound of Music” audition, feeling pretty good.

Unfortunately auditioning is a necessary evil of being a performer.  And there is really not a better way to do it either.  As a species, we actors tend to be a fussy, emotional, competitive bunch.  Auditioning is partly to blame for our less than desirable qualities.  Not only are we pitted against each other constantly, but we are always being judged. Personally judged.  And it’s not even the talent that we bring to the table but our height, and hair color, and chemistry with other people.  Or even our actor’s equity status.  There are a whole myriad of factors that go into a casting of a show and that are completely out of an actor’s hands but, my oh my does it all lead us to be a nutty bunch.

There are a few rare people who find auditions fun, I am not one of them.  Now, that is not to say that I haven’t had fun auditions but, as a general rule, I definitely find them pretty petrifying.  I always have the problem of walking out afterwards felling like there were least 32 things that I could have done differently and better.  The post audition self-flagellation gets me almost every single time.  For example, at my audition on Saturday, for “The Sound of Music”, I was asked to make an acting adjustment and to do the beginning of the monologue I had prepared for the appointment with said change.  I feel I made the change well but stepping out onto the street a brilliant choice popped into my mind and I kicked myself all the way to the car for not thinking of it when I was in the room.  I also beat myself up considerably for not staying with the tempo that I had set for my song and having a few wonky musical moments.  (Not in my actual singing, just some seconds that didn’t quite fit together.)  And even despite my flubs, I still consider that audition a pretty successful one.

I haven’t always been so able to let go of the things that didn’t go exactly right when I was in front of the auditors.  I used to have to bring Trav with me to every audition because he would sit and talk with me while waiting to go in.  This would distract me from the exceptional nerves that always built to an intense point in anticipation.  If he was there, I wouldn’t work myself up into a frenzy before things began.  Unfortunately, Trav couldn’t accompany me into the room or do the audition for me.  So, once I walked in, I was on my own.  And there were many times when that was no easy thing for me.  If I’m being honest, I have not consistently been good with preparing for auditions.  I tend to procrastinate up until the very last possible moment so pieces that could be intricate and specific with character choices can come off messy and generalized.  The funny thing is, whenever I really prepared for an audition, whenever I went through my pieces with a fine-tooth comb, I always felt successful.  I learned that doing the work and bringing the best version of my talent really did make me feel successful, no matter the outcome.  I just needed to push myself much harder to do the work.

The next lesson I learned about auditioning came when I jumped across the table and took on the position of assistant casting director at Lucky Penny Productions.  I think, at first, Taylor brought me along because we had so much fun together and so why not have that during the long process that auditions can be.  But as the time progressed, I began to understand casting, and cold reading, and what truly made auditions great.  I served as the reader during callbacks and got to practice making acting choices on the fly.  I saw how fun it was to watch people be given an acting note and the transformation that would take place.  I felt the overwhelm that all directors want to feel when there are just so many perfect actors for a role.  I also learned that it really isn’t that one isn’t good enough.  It is truly a puzzle that the has so many pieces involved.  The height of the lead actor, the size of the ensemble, the tone of a certain person’s singing voice.  There are a multitude. But the most important thing was that despite what your nerves are telling you, every person behind the table wants you to succeed.  They’re all rooting for success.  There is nothing more exciting than being shown how incredible the skills are of the actor before you.

Casting “The Crucible” at Lucky Penny Productions.

So, now when I enter a room of auditors, I still the feel the rush of adrenaline and nerves that I have always contended with. But I do my best to remind myself of all the things I have learned.  I slap on a smile and project confidence.  I chat with them and try let the butterflies settle in my stomach.  Then I take a deep breath and introduce myself to accompanist.  I remember that I love to sing and have chosen that particular song to show them just how much. I hit my mark, choose a focus spot behind those I am auditioning for, and take a moment to be.  I slip into the shell of the character and bring her to life in the funny little space.  And then it starts.  I do my very best to make their casting job really, really hard.  I give all that I can give.  I hope that I can be at the top of their list. I try to make strong and interesting choices when asked to.  And then, in a blur, it is all over.  I thank them for their time.  I walk out, listing the things I could have done better.  I take breath and turn it over to their hands.  Begin the casting waiting game and I really, really don’t look forward to doing it all over again.  But then the next show is announced, and I prepare to do it all again.